Today the Weekly Mercury has learned that the famous space alien, Klaa’tu, has endorsed Donald Trump for Republican candidate for President of the United States.
As regular readers of the Weekly Mercury are aware, Klaa’tu is a space alien of vaguely humanoid appearance (some people refer to him as a Gray), who first arrived on Earth via a spherical spaceship from the planet G’tcha, which is in the Trep’nn galaxy, approximately 3.142 million light years from our terrestrial ball.
As a diplomat from G’tcha, Klaa’tu has met with many world leaders, including President Obama, the Pope, Kim Jung-Il and Kanye West. The benevolent alien has offered advice to the world leaders concerning world peace and to us all with suggestions that we eat less meat, less dairy and more junk food. Rumor has it that he is working with Martha Stewart on a book about inter-galactic entertaining and decor.
On Thursday, after the debate in Houston, Klaa’tu appeared back stage with Donald Trump and told the world, through his Babelfish device, that he, and all G’tcha, support Donald Trump for Republican candidate and, in fact, as the next president of the United States. The alien hovered over Mr. Trump and placed a long fingered hand on Mr. Trump’s wig as if giving a blessing.
Mr. Trump, looking a little less like he had been sucking sour lemons than usual, responded with these words:
” I thank Klaa’tu for his endorsement. I love aliens! I love space aliens. And they love me! I will not build a wall to keep them out. I welcome them and I look forward to the day that a space alien becomes President of the United States. Aliens are smart. They got here from a ‘yuge’ distance away. We can’t even get to the Moon again. We had two Space Shuttles blow up. Who can respect a space agency that let’s it’s astronauts be blown up. I like winners. Space aliens are winners And space aliens know that I’m a winner.
“Thank you Klaa’tu. You’re All-American. Your endorsement will help make America great again. And thank you for promising to revive Trump University where the study of the G’tcha text, To Serve Man, will be studied. And just between the press, Klaa’tu and wonderful self, Klaa’tu has told me that he thinks that Marco Rubio is a little yapping lap dog and that Ted Cruz is a crazy Cuban-Canadian.
“Thank you, Klaa’tu. You’re great! But not as great as me.”
Neither Klaa’tu or Mr. Trump answered questions after the announcement
(The above is fiction. And anyone not getting the joke about To Serve Man should watch the Twilight Zone Marathon.)
The Bloody Nib 